you are blessed when you mourn

For most of my life, I would groan if I heard someone announce that they were going to preach/speak about the “beatitudes.” Lately, I cannot get my mind off of them. I think I am finally understanding the truer meaning of Jesus’ words, and they are captivating my thoughts and filling me with joy. How can I explain this change of attitude?

Am I finally realizing what Jesus was really saying…have I grown in my spirit, so that I can accept the truth of what Jesus was saying…is the Holy Spirit opening my mind and thinking, so that I finally have understanding? Actually, I think the answer to all of these questions is “yes.”

The word “beatitude” means “blessing.” Jesus was giving blessings to his audience (which, by the way, was most likely just his disciples…I’ve always heard that…and have seen in pictures of… Jesus was up on a high place…looking down on a multitude…preaching the “sermon on the mount.” Actually, he and the disciples had moved up the mountain…away from the crowd…most likely, he was just speaking quietly, in a conversational tone, to his closest friends. He was telling them “the secret” of his mission. Something that would rock their known-world on it’s very foundation.) Jesus was giving a special blessing to those who would stand by him…those who would go on to live for him….those who would die for him….

The first blessing was to those who mourn. With the events of the past two years, I can finally understand what it means to mourn. The disciples would have the truest understanding of “mourning” in just three short years. But, really, Jesus was talking about a mourning that goes beyond our earthly grief. That grief will pass some day…the grief he speaks of, will go on for eternity if it is not confessed by us and blessed by Jesus. This is the mourning of our sins. The grief we feel when we realize what God has done for us, and how far we are from him. The road to the first blessing is sorrow for our sin…it is repentance. This is has been very hard for me, because I am so prideful. I want to be right. I want to do what I want to do. But Jesus has a different way for me to go…the way of repentance.

As Max Lucado writes in his exquisite book about the beatitudes: “Of all the paths to joy, this one has to be the strangest. True blessedness, Jesus says, begins with deep sadness.” This is another of the many juxtapositions that Jesus presents: death gives life; if you are poor, you are rich; if you are low, you’ll be raised high. It doesn’t make sense, but it is the way to the first of Jesus’ blessings. I am blessed if I mourn.

Lord, help me to pour out the sorrow and repentance of my sin to you. Help me lean on your understanding, not my own. Help me swallow my pride, and depend on you completely. Please bless my mourning.

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missing my sister

Our Kathy has been gone for two years today. I miss my sister. I miss her care and attention to my life. I miss her daily calls to check on me…to update me…to connect with me. There are still times that I need to tell Kathy something…she is the only one who would understand…but she is gone; and the absolute finality of it takes my breath away every time I remember that she is gone.

Someone very precious and valuable has been taken from our lives…someone we did not know that we could live without. It seems she floated quietly away from our grasp. She didn’t even say goodbye.

My sister is gone, and I miss her every day.

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long days, short years

This past week, Allie celebrated her eighteenth birthday and her graduation. This year, we have three who will turn sixteen. Next year, three others will graduate from high school. Milestones, all of them, the years flashing before our eyes.

Recently, I read something in a book that made me think about the passage of time…it went something like this: “The days are long; the years are short.” I never thought of it that way, but it is the way it seems to me. The days go by with their challenges…sixty minutes an hour, twenty-four hours at a time….and they can be tiring to the bone.

But when I look back on the years, and they seem to zoom by. Special dates may highlight the significant years…”that year… I turned fifty, I started working there, so-and-so got married, was born or died….,” so that certain years are used as benchmarks. But otherwise, the years seem to race by … one after another…melting together in a haze.

At times, I get so caught up in the everyday “stuff,” that I forget about the “big picture.” Actually, though, the moments, the days, the months, and the years are weaving together to piece together the fabric of my life. In this life, I have a bird’s eye view of the creation of my life; but one day, the full cloth will be spread out and seen as a whole…viewed in the light of eternal significance…on display forever, for all to see.

As Julia Fletcher wrote:
“Little drops of water, little grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land. So the little minutes, humble though they be, make the mighty ages of eternity.”

I want to embrace the seconds and minutes of my life. I want to have a joyful and celebratory life, but I also desire acceptance of the times of pain and sorrow, knowing that hard times can give me insight and faith that I couldn’t have otherwise.

Lord, help me to look to you at all times, through all things. Help me to be faithful…to be trusting…to be thankful…and to love you no matter what comes my way…all the seconds of my days.

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mothers

I’m thinking about mothers today. The kind of mother who sticks with you through the thick and thin. The kind of mother who gives the best, while she takes what is left over. The kind of mother who works late into the night (or early in the morning) to get “it” done.

We are discussing I Corinthians 13, today at church, and I suppose that is the kind of mother I am thinking about.

As it says in The Message:

“Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.”

Of course, no mother is able to do all of this perfectly every day, but it does describe the heart of a mom who is doing her best to take care of her family through the ups and downs of life. It is a portrait of remarkable women who make a difference in the lives of their children.

All that said…”Happy Mothers’ Day, Mama.” You are exactly the mother I am thinking about today, and I’m thanking God for letting me have you as my mom. I hope I have been the kind of mother you have been to me, and I pray that my daughters will continue in your example.

And, Mom, the end of I Corinthians 13 has the guidance and the promise for you (and us) in these sad days that we are living:

“We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.”

I see you hoping and trusting and loving, and that helps me keep walking. Thank you.

I love you,
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live with him

“The only way to prepare to meet God is to live with him so that to meet him shall be nothing strange.” Phillips Brooks

When you know somebody…you know them. Not perfectly, of course, but you can have a good idea of his/her thinking/reaction patterns; you can be aware of past activities and choices; and you can understand some of the motivations or his/her life. It is no different than what we can learn about God when we spend a lot of time with him. Our relationship with God is just that…a relationship. It can be spare. It can be untruthful. It can be us doing the talking. On the other hand, our relationship with God can mirror the relationship that Mary modeled. Mary’s relationship with Jesus consisted of sitting at the feet of Jesus; looking up lovingly into his eyes, and hanging on to every word.

When I meet Jesus, at the end of this life on earth, I want nothing to be “strange” between me and him. That means I have to live as close to him as I can. It also means I need to know how he feels about things…what he sees as important…what he would give his life for.

The Bible says that God chose Noah to save the people and animals of the world, from the big flood, because Noah walked with him. I believe that God is still looking to people who walk with him…people who spend time with him…people who know his heart...people who live with him.

I want to be one of those people.

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catastrophe

I was reading the introduction to the book of Ezekiel in The Message. It talks about how people face catastrophe in two common ways: with denial, or with despair. Catastrophe happens, and some people “shut their eyes tight or look the other way.” They “manage to act as if everything if going to be just fine; they take refuge in distractions and lies and fantasies…” they deny. Others are “paralyzed,” and “accept it as the end of the world.” They are “unwilling to do anything, concluding that life for all intents and purposes is over.” They “listlessly close their eyes to a world in which all the color has drained out, a world gone dead…”they despair.

When God’s people faced catastrophe in Ezekiel’s day, “denial was the primary response.” He “found himself living among a people of God who stubbornly refused to see what was right before their eyes (the denial crowd). There were also some who were unwilling to see anything other than what was right before their eyes (the despair crowd).” Ezekiel was able to show them that, “yes, there was a catastrophe, but God was at work in the catastrophe, sovereignly using the catastrophe. He showed them so that they would be able to embrace God in the worst of times.” Because of Ezekiel’s faithfulness, “God’s people emerged from that catastrophic century robust and whole.”

Ezekiel wrote in Chapter 36: 24-28:
"'For here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to take you out of these countries, gather you from all over, and bring you back to your own land. I'll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands. You'll once again live in the land I gave your ancestors. You'll be my people! I'll be your God!"

And in Ezekiel 34: 30-31:
"They'll know, beyond doubting, that I, God, am their God, that I'm with them and that they, the people Israel, are my people. Decree of God, the Master: You are my dear flock, the flock of my pasture, my human flock, and I am your God.”

I must admit that I have responded to catastrophe with both denial and despair (though I’m more inclined to despair). I don’t want to live like this. I want to see the world as Ezekiel did, and the only way is to see him working in a catastrophe, is by living close to his heartbeat. Draw me closer.

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find what i'm looking for

Amy Grant has a new album out…I love Amy Grant’s music. I have listened to it for decades. There is something about her lyrics that have always spoken to me “where I am.” Recently, it is apparent that she has experienced a lot of grief, and that she has caused some grief to others. Her songs speak of remorse for the grief that she has caused. Maybe she is coming to the realization of who she really is…I have done that in recent years, and I have to say that it has be liberating as well as humbling. Liberating, in that I have realized that I don’t have to be what everybody (including myself) thinks I should be; humbling, in that I’m understanding that for every “good” attribute I have, there is at least one “not-so-good” attribute to balance it out.

This is what Amy’s song, “Find What You’re Looking For,” says about it:

“What would they find if they uncovered all my tracks
Of roads I’d snuck down and darkness and never turn back
Well they’d find what they’re looking for
Secrets and so much more
What would they find if they searched for a heart of gold
They’d find sacrifices of time and money never told
Yeah they’d find what they’re looking for
Kindness and so much more
‘Cause there’s so much good in the worst of us
So much bad in the best of us
It never makes sense for any of us
To criticize the rest of us
We’ll just find what we’re looking for
We’ll find it and so much more.”

So…what am I looking for? I am trying to see the ways that I can see God working in my life and others’ lives. I would hope I would seek out the best…accept people (including myself) as people are…remembering that all of us are a compilation of good and evil; black and white… sometimes even gray…; pleasant and obnoxious. All of us loved by God.
At times (and with certain people) this isn’t easy… I’m not always able to do it…it’s that tunnel vision that I have. But I think I am getting better at it…some days….

I’m trying to remember that I’ll find what I’m looking for.

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