Saturday, December 5, 2009

i will carry you

…thinking of another song on the new Selah CD. This song was written by Todd and Angie Smith about the birth (and death within a few hours) of their baby girl, Audrey. This song brings numerous pictures to my mind…a picture of a mother carrying a baby to term …a picture of the way we frequently carried around our younger siblings (with our little hips jutted out) when we were children…. how we have a family “tradition” of carrying each other through times of need….how we are still helping carry some of Kathy’s earthly responsibilities…how God carries us every day of our lives. The words, “I will carry you,” are the sweetest words on earth when we are exhausted and at the end of our resources.

Deb has a photograph of her and Kathy (they were about six and two). Kathy is in a wheelbarrow, and Deb is holding the wheelbarrow upright. Deb says that she always thought she was merely keeping the wheelbarrow from falling over…but when one looks closely at the photograph, it is obvious that she was actually grabbing onto Kathy to keep her in the wheelbarrow.

That is a good picture of our relationship with Kathy. Kathy had a brilliant, quick mind. She was usually a step or two ahead of us. We have a funny family remembrance of her. We’d put her in her crib, each evening, when it was time for her to go to bed, and she would beat us back to the den…running ahead, looking at us, over her shoulder, laughing and smiling.

Our Deb was with Kathy when she left us. She was the only one there. It has been traumatic for her on many levels…but what a blessing it has been to me. Just knowing that Kathy was not alone… knowing exactly what happened in the last hours of her life…knowing that Kathy didn’t have to worry about her children, who were at home, with us…knowing that Kathy was aware that her big sister was there caring for her….knowing that she knew that we were carrying her.

I Will Carry You (Audrey’s Song)

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says ...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

Thank you, Lord, that in the silence of abandonment, betrayal, isolation and even the absolute silence of death…you will carry us.