live a good life

So…today is my birthday. I’m feeling rather old (52). If I live an “average” amount of years, I only have about twenty years left…not very long.

I can’t get away from the thought that I need to be mindful in the living of my life. This is more important to me than ever. Today is all that I have (and maybe not even that). I’m trying to love more and better, exercise, eat good food, complain less, and take time to relax (remind me of all these a month into the school year).

My family has talked about how our Kathy seemed to be trying to pack a whole lifetime into the past few years. It was almost as if she knew she didn’t have much time left. Her leaving us, and the comments that others have made about her life, have made me understand these words:

“Live a good life…in the end, it’s not the years in a life, it’s the life in the years.”

Lord, help me live a good life.

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the music

My family loves music. We love to listen to music and we love to sing. I know that Kathy feels right at home in heaven because of the music.

Many years ago I read everything I could find written by Bob Benson. I was sad when he died an untimely death. Before he died, however, he wrote some beautiful things about life after death. They were some of the first words that helped open my thinking to new ideas about death and heaven.

These are some of the insightful words he wrote: “I used to think, loving life so greatly, that to die would be like leaving the party before the end. But now I know that the party is really happening somewhere else; and that the light and the music escaping in snatches-to make the pulse beat faster and the tempo quicken-comes from another place. And I know, too, when I get there, the music and the love, and the praise will belong to Him. The music will never end.”

Won’t it be wonderful?

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south chicago

We spent the day yesterday in the community in which Emily lived this past year. I love it! It reminds me a lot of the community I work in at home.

People, no matter where they live, who have few economic resources, have a more difficult time. But the urban environment brings different challenges…it has made me more tired than I was to begin with.

I sat on Em’s stoop, one afternoon, and watched a young mother with five small children as they struggled to get their baskets of clothes down the steep stairs, to get them to the washeteria. How I would love being able to give her my washer and dryer, that I am disposing of because PawPaw is giving me a used one from Mike’s house. Think how much she would enjoy having that in her home…something I take for granted.

Then there’s public transportation…the network of buses and trains that enables inhabitants of the sprawled city to move about. I just rode and hopped off at my destinations….but I am sore, have blisters on my feet, and dread hitting the schedule again today. If you want to go somewhere, you have to drag in and out of various modes of travel, above and below the ground. What if I had several children to drag with me?

I also think of the logistics of feeding a large family in the urban environment. It would be so difficult to gather the supplies you need to prepare food…walking…stairs…buses…more walking and stairs…. Like I said…it just makes me tired.

Later, we found ourselves on the “Magnificent Mile”…it’s a long way from South Chicago. ..as is Starbuck’s, Mercedes convertibles, and Ophrah’s favorite things…and my place in rural Texas.

This comparison makes me want to do a better job in the place God has placed me in our small community. It doesn’t matter if I live in South Chicago or South Nacogdoches or near the Magnificient Mile…I have the opportunity to share my blessings with others. What a great privilege!

I Corinthians 16:14 (The Message)

“ Keep your eyes open, …, give it all you've got, be resolute, and love without stopping.”

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so many people

We are staying on the tenth floor, of a lovely hotel, looking out over beautiful downtown Chicago. All day long we have been surrounded by a great throng of people…all going somewhere…FAST (I think they were hurrying to catch the train).

I keep thinking, “How could God not only know all these people…but how could He possibly know and LOVE all these people?” I know He does…because I know He knows me and loves me. If that is possible…anything is possible!

So many people…no problem…God has the whole world in his hands, and He’s got it under control.

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Thank you, Christian, for the wonderful room! We enjoyed spending time with you today.

gathered

My family loves to gather. We love to gather for meals. We love to gather for holidays. We love to gather to celebrate. We love to gather.

Most recently, we gathered to surround our Kathy with love and music and prayer. I would like to think that she was able to feel all of it, because we are all so connected in that way.

Joy and Kathy’s friend, Dave, came for the funeral. He stayed at a friend’s house, and would come over to Mom and Dad’s each day. The first time he came, he walked to the back…where the outdoor room and pool are…and he said it was a quintessential “Steel Magnolia’s” moment…we were sitting in a circle, shelling peas, and singing gospel songs. Yup…that’s us…we were “gathered”…

As I write this evening, we are in a small town in Illinois. We are headed for Chicago to get Em. I am so excited about both Amy and Emily being closer to home (Amy will actually be home for a year), but I am a little sad tonight to be so far from home and from my family. I have the need to gather.

It makes me think of what one of the best things about Heaven will be…we’ll be gathered…and we’ll be gathered forever.

I can hardly wait.

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does it matter?

“Does it really matter?” is my new mantra.

Life is so short…just a wisp of air…fleeting…. I toil and fuss and worry over many things that have no eternal value at all, and I have been thinking about this in the past month. A dear friend sent me a speech made by Tony Snow, President Bush's former Press Secretary, who died recently of cancer. This is what he had to say about things that do and don’t matter:

“… even though God doesn't promise us tomorrow, he does promise us eternity, - filled with life and love we cannot comprehend, - and that one can in the throes of sickness (and death) point the rest of us toward timeless truths that will help us weather future storms. Through such trials, God bids us to choose: Do we believe, or do we not? Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit, and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations? Can we surrender our concern in things that don't matter so that we might devote our remaining days to things that do? “

Paul put it like this: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. “

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (New International Version)

Lord, help me to know what is temporary and what is eternal…Help me know what really matters, and let that fill my thoughts, my plans, and my days.

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hardest place

“Circumstances may appear to wreck our lives and God’s plans, but God is not helpless among the ruins.”

Eric Liddell

So…July, 2008 is finally over…the hardest place I have ever been in my life. I’m glad to be starting school again (though God will have to send the extra grace and energy that I need to make it through the long days). How thankful I am for the help God gave for last month…I know he’ll be with me in the coming months.

Psalm 31:14-16 (New International Version)

“But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands; …. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.”

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