Friday, February 13, 2009


Today has been a sad day for me. I’ve been tearful, and have felt jagged and raw. I got on a bike at the gym, this morning, and just cried and cried…all the time feeling like I was suffocating. I haven’t felt that way in some weeks, so I was trying to figure it out.

I picked up the little Hieberts Tuesday afternoon after school. I stopped by their house yesterday afternoon, and Nick, Brett, and Drew were playing catch in the front yard. It seems that when I spend time with them, I’m reminded of our profound loss and my heart breaks all over again. So, I suppose that is what started my tears once more.

I’m reminded of what I read recently about the possible cause of Jesus’ tears at the grave of Lazarus. The author proposed that perhaps Jesus wept because of the great pain and sadness he knew Lazarus’ sisters and friends were experiencing because of his death. I can understand this, because I want to weep whenever I am around Kathy’s motherless children. My heart literally hurts.

This is just another reminder of why Jesus is so precious to me. He knows where I live…and not only that, He lives here with me. He weeps with me. He feels my pain.

All that said, the sweetness in this day was that when I got to school, I was surrounded by my friends. They literally enveloped me with their love. God used them to help dry my tears and lift my spirits.

Thank you, Father, for being active and present in our joy and in our grief…but mostly in our grief.