Wednesday, July 23, 2008

i miss you, sister

I went to large mall in Houston with my sisters and nieces last week. I ended up sitting out in the middle of the mall people watching…something I love to do.

People were caught up in their lives (aren’t we all?)…talking, laughing, yelling at their kids….holding hands, shopping, and just enjoying (or not enjoying) the moment.

The thought struck me, “How could life keep going on as usual, when my life has been changed forever?!” The truth of the matter is, though, the earth is still moving in its various patterns; there is birth and death and living continuing around me; and I still have to get up every morning, and “get it done.”

But how can my life ever be the same? I have lost one of the best friends of my life…one of the keepers of my heart…one of my sisters (sisters are supposed to have the ability to share the closest relationship on earth). I cannot tell you how much Kathy added to my life…especially to the comfort of my life. Hardly a day passed that I didn’t get a telephone call, with Kathy on the other end, greeting me with the words: “Hey, Sister.” Then she would proceed to listen to how my life was going…and Loyd’s life, and Amy’s life, and Emily’s life… I might look up during my day at work, and there she would be with my favorite coffee that she had gone by to get me…just because. If I was giving a party, she was always in the middle helping me every bit of the way. The last gift she made me was a funky flower arrangement…at a time that she really didn’t have the time or extra energy to make it…but she made it for me because she knew I would enjoy it….and I am looking at it right now, enjoying it. I’ll be moving back into my classroom in a few weeks, Kathy would have been there helping me…no matter what she had going on in her life (and believe me, she had a lot going on in her life).

What I am trying to say, is that the world around me keeps going on…as usual…but I know that my world will never be the same without my Kathy to share it with. There really is a hole in my world that will never be filled again in this life. “I miss you, Sister.”


Shirley Mary said...

I can identify with you so very much. When I lost my youngest son many years ago,at the age of eighteen, I remember thinking that my grief was so intense and reached out so far that it would be felt by everyone around me. But,like you said, people went on just as before.
And, no, life will never be the same but in time you will see that God, indeed, gives "beauty for ashes."
I think it is great therapy for you to write out your feelings.
It was in the seventies when we lost our son and I write him a letter each year on his birthday. I never know what I will "say" but words come and from time to time I read over the letters and they are so meaningful to me.
Four years ago we lost our daughter at 51 and I write to her also. Writing these letters makes me feel close to them.
Well, I don't intend to keep writing and giving you my life story but I just felt a desire to share these thoughts with you today.

g said...

Mary, thank you for sharing your story with me. This place that I find myself in is a common place of the human condition. Your words give me comfort and the idea of writing letters.
Thank you,

Shirley Mary said...

Finding yourself in a "common place
of the human condition" doesn't ease the pain but perhaps it does give some assurance that you can make it but you have to "go through it" to get there! The grief process is one that each of us has to walk at our own pace. . but the healing will come.